ISMS Gift of Giving

""The perfect gift is not the one that you search for, it is the one that finds you" NJ

Just the other day, my daughter told me that she had bought me a gift for this upcoming Christmas. Through the years we have developed this on-going excitement of giving gifts, so much at times, it gets hard to refrain from telling each other what the gift is prior to Christmas. So we began giving hints. Lil clues, just enough to curb the curiosity but never enough to give away what the gift actually is. My daughters' clue to her recent gift purchase was, "It's a gift for you that you will give away". That simple hint took my excitement to a whole new level. I replied to her by saying, "Oh…I love gifts like that, they are my favorite kind". For me, I so enjoy giving gifts far more than receiving them.

Several days had passed when I was scrolling through Facebook post and had seen a post by my aunt. It was an update on a GoFundMe fundraiser for my cousin who she was raising money for her grandson who had recently been hospitalized after being ill for several months without a solid diagnosis or a solution. I had already donated money to help her out and thankfully a diagnosis and treatment plan had begun. As I looked at this update, I began to wonder about this process of fundraising. My mind frantically began racing from one thought to another. I even recalled a moment in a movie that I had watched which was still recorded on my PVR. 'Eat, Pray, Love' with Julia Roberts. I remembered the moment in the movie where she had reached out to her friends as a request of her upcoming birthday to help Tutti. I wanted to re-watch this part of the movie while getting dressed. I tend to have the TV on as background noise while doing my hair and makeup. I grabbed the remote, scrolled through my list of recordings, found the movie and pressed play. I was surprised when the movie began to play exactly at the very scene of her writing the letter of Tutti to her friends. It was a sign. My birthday is 3 weeks away from today. Hmm, a lot of coincidences leading up to this or one of those gifts that finds its way to you? The gift of an ISM. (Inspirational Serendipity Moments)

I wondered if I could start a fundraiser to help people that I did not at this moment directly know, yet know they exist out there in the world right now. People who need that help, that break in life, that chance, that one ISM.

I have decided to give it a try. I will take on a search to find those in need, those who deserve to benefit from the help of others, those who need an ISM to make a difference. I will try my best to take this on using the guidelines from the movie starring Will Smith, 'Seven Pounds'. (Yes, I love movies that inspire you, even the ones that touch your heart and empty the Kleenex box of tissues) I will go out in public, talk to strangers, listen to stories, observe from a distance as well as up close and personal and connect with those who will be given the money which will make the ISM they receive possible.

Every dollar amount will help, even the smallest of donations eventually add up and every donation will go to giving ISMS out to those who deserve them. I know myself, sometimes life gets hard and when you are down and look up and see a hand reaching out to help you, it makes a difference.

Yes, I could pick a charity, however I am choosing to directly place money hand to hand, face to face. Although I have and do donate to several charities, I would like this to be personal. I want to see if I can make this happen, I want to see how the donations help someone else in need. I will not use this money to create advertising on fancy letterhead. I will use social media to actually connect with real people to bring awareness instead of just telling the world what I have made for dinner tonight.

I will post updates as they happen so anyone who joins me in this journey can also be of part of the difference it will make.

Like the story of 'Stone Soup', which I learned of by watching 'Little House on the Prairie", I have a pot of water, now let's see who can help me fill it up. I will start by making a personal donation of my own to get this started. Perhaps my donation will be the only one, however I would like to hope that others find the kindness in their heart to do the same and donate. I will not set a time limit on this fundraiser, the longer it runs, the more donations that come in, they more people will be helped by it.

I will set a goal to withdraw money at the end of 2014 to give to those who need that help the donations in January of 2015 so their year may begin with an ISM. (Inspirational Serendipity Moments)

Thank you all,

Someone wanting to make a difference.

P.S. Since we live in a time where scams too frequently exist, I give you my word and assure you, this is legit. I do not need this money for myself, and in no way am I looking to personally profit from this fundraiser. My reward will come by making a difference giving ISMS to others. For those who know, will know this to be true.

To donate go to the following website:
www.gofundme.com/hhaij4

Aweism

"Be in awe of your own life then your life will be full of Awesome"
- NJ & Shanel Dee

Why waste away your days living a life you do not enjoy? Instead, why not live your life discovering YOU, creating your OWN happiness, living each day beyond the routine, enjoying each day...living in Awe.

Why live the lives of others? It is their life to live just as each of us have our own life. We can participate in others lives more when we fully participate in our own lives first.

Each and everyone of us are given the special gift of life the moment we take our first breathe. What makes this gift of life special is each life is uniquely ours to discover, to develop, to live.

We are not robotic machines made to operate the exact same way all the time. We may share similar emotions, experiences, throughout life but do we all cry over spilled milk? NO! Some do, some don't. Our individuality allows us the opportunity to live our own life. This is the 'special' that lies within the gift of life we are given.

So, let us take this special gift, add some 'AWE' to it and live in it within each day our very own way. Be in awe with whomever you interact with. Be in awe with things you see and hear, feel. Be in awe of the moments that make your life... yours.

Start living in 'Awe' today!

Reasonism

"Drift in the sea like a buoy not anchored"- NJ

Many times throughout life we come across obstacles. Some can be small obstacles like molehills, some much larger, like mountains. There are even times when you get both at once. Molehills and Mountains.

We have all dreaded facing these obstacles in one way or another. Why do we dread them? Most likely it's how we look at the obstacles as we approach it. An uphill battle? Too much for me to deal with? Why me?

Could it be possible to turn those mountains into molehills and molehills into anthills? What if we looked at those obstacles differently? Could we accept the not-so-great challenges as well as we accept the unexpected bonuses in life?

Let me share a story with you. This loving young couple starting out their journey together, settling into their new home they would share together on the waterfront. A dream home to start a life together. They were so excited to be able to tie their boat up to a buoy just a safe distance from their dock, which was just a short walk down from their first jointly rented home. Money is tight for the young couple who are just starting out together and making the best of their paycheck to paycheck situation.

One day the young lady looks out across the lake from a window in the house and is suddenly horrified to discover their boat is no longer floating next to the buoy where they it tied up. She frantically scans the lake in every direction she can in search of the boat which she does not see anywhere. No buoy, no boat. She quickly runs into the next room to inform her fiancé their boat is gone. They both go down to the lake to get a better view, still no sign of the boat. The panic stricken couple get into a tiny, built for two, rowboat and start rowing out onto the lake. After an exhausting physical and mental search, they find their boat floating along with the buoy still attached to it across the other side of the lake. Once they get up to the boat, they are able to investigate what happened. They discover the chain that connected the buoy underwater to the anchor had broken off. With the water still too cold to swim down and no extra money to afford to fix the buoy, they have decided their only option is to pull the boat out from the water and leave it parked on land until they can afford the repair on the buoy. Yes, having a boat is a luxury to have but for this young couple, the boat was more than a luxury, it was the sanctuary, an escape from their day to day pressures. After long days at work trying to get ahead, they looked forward to taking the boat out on the lake and do some fishing. It was their quality time together to unwind. Now that luxury had become another financial burden upon their shoulders. More money they did not have. An obstacle they were faced with fixing.

Several weeks had passed with no change in sight. Money was too tight for them. As the young lady stared out at the lake, longing for the day to come they could return to their daily getaways together, she noticed a massive tree had fallen into the lake, floating along in a swift current on the surface of the water, heading in a direct path to where their boat had once been. Had the buoy not have broken loose, the boat would have still been in the direct path of the tree that surely would have damaged the boat. Possibly beyond repair. The boat could have sank right there after an impact with this tree. Then, there would have been no boat at all. The young couple were so grateful that the obstacle that had presented itself to them weeks earlier, although unknown to them at the time, was not a tragedy. It was just a small matter compared to what could have been, had it not happened. At least now, they still had their boat safe and sound.

Each obstacle is different and yes, there are many obstacles that we are faced with that are far difficult that this young couple's boat story, however, if we realize and accept things happen for a reason. Even though at that first moment we do not understand the reason, just accept it as it comes and know it is meant to be. There is hope for a better outcome in time.

Perhaps we will learn a lesson which we did not expect to learn, perhaps something worse could have happened. Maybe something we are unaware of could bring a better outcome with time.

If you don't get that job you hoped you would get, it that relationship you were in abruptly comes to an end, you don't get the loan you were wanting, you don't have the money to fix the buoy, accept it. It is not meant to be at that moment. It is not the end of the world, it just happened for a reason that you can understand later in time.

"Unknown reasons are present mysteries solved with time" - NJ

Prioritizeism

"You have time for that which you make time for" - NJ

How many days have you felt overwhelmed by all the 'To-Do List', that race through your mind? On those days, it is amazing as quickly as things are added to that list, not so quickly do they get accomplished. Sure enough, one some are completed, more are just added, as if they multiply themselves while waiting for you to get around to them.

How do you prioritize the list? How do you stop letting it multiply? How do you stop stressing over that big list that has no ending?

You buy Post-it notes!! The smaller, the better. These days they make them so small you can barely get more that a word or two written on them. Write out you 'To-Do List'. If you use the small ones you might have to use a lot of them, but then you have one task per post-it note so you take on one task at a time. Writing out your 'To-Do-List', frees up room within your mind to think clearly. As you accomplish each task, toss it out, let it go, be done with it…Mission accomplished. One less thing to do.

Have a look at your 'To-Do List' that is now written out on post-it notes. Ask yourself these questions as you look at each task.

1)Can I mix it up somehow so it is less stressful to accomplish?

Instead of having a mundane, day-to-day chore that stresses you even before you have begun trying to accomplish it… Mix it up by bringing life into the moment. When you are out buying groceries, (a task on your 'To-Do List'), you are buying milk, bread, toilet paper. Yes, toilet paper, you know we all have the common need for toilet paper. Can you recall a time of doing this task that was any different than the hundreds of times you have entered the same store to make the same purchases? This time, mix it up. You can walk up and down the aisles staring down at your grocery list, passing by and around may other shoppers and you might have done in the past or you could mix it up. Start by looking up. Smile. Look around you. Are all the people you see doing the same robotic thing as you usually do? Does anyone look as if they are enjoying themselves? Maybe today is the day you will be different, you will enjoy yourself. Make eye contact with the fellow shopper. Have a quick lil chat with someone. You never know, you might learn something new, like what does that person use that fruit for, you know the one that you always see but have no idea what it taste like or what to do with it. You could be surprised what new things you could learn just by interacting with someone in a grocery store. I remember my mom once seen a lady in the produce department. She was curiously watching this lady who was placing a single straw from a straw broom onto a watermelon. She watched her for several minutes, as she placed this piece of broom straw on several melons before finally choosing one to put in her cart. Curiosity got the best of my mother and she walked up to the lady and asked what she was doing with the piece of straw and melons. The lady smiled and was pleasantly welcoming to her and willing to explain by showing her what she had been doing. The lady carefully balanced the straw from the broom onto the melon, making sure that nothing else but the melon came in contact with the straw on the melon. She told my mom, "The straw will tell me if the melon is ripe or not". She continued to explain, "If the melon is ripe, the straw will start to move, the more ripened the melon is, the more rotation the straw will have. If the melon is not ripe and ready, the broomstick straw will not move at all. She swore by this. My mother shared this story with me and yes, I as well as my mother, have since been seen placing a single straw from a broomstick on many melons. If you should ever want to try this, it works on any kind of melon and straw brooms are usually found in the cleaning isle. Amazing what you can learn when you are willing to mix it up. Not every trip to the store will bring unusual tricks to learn, even just smiles between strangers or kind words spoken could brighten both your day and the ones you interact with. When you do the same thing, the same way, you get the same results. Learn to mix it up so you can change the day to day routines.

2) Do I get any happiness from doing this?

If you have a list of tedious task before you that you are dreading, things you procrastinate doing, find a way to add some happiness into doing them. Let's say washing a sink full of dirty dishes is not your cup of tea. You put it off, yet the dishes still keep piling up until there is not a single cup in the cupboard to use. Now you are forced to wash them. You know they surely won't wash themselves. How could you possibly enjoy washing these dishes, the one thing you avoid as long as you possibly can? As you wash these dishes, start thinking of how these dishes got dirty in the first place. Who used these dishes? Who drank from this glass, who ate from this fork? Was it you? Did the drink that had been in this glass quench your thirst? Was it your favorite drink? Was the meal that was eaten off this plate, with this fork, a delicious meal? Who did you share this meal with? When you think about how all these dishes got dirty, you can be thankful for the meals, the people who are in your lives that these dishes provided their services to. You are thinking about life, your life. Ta-Da… dishes are done. Instead of focusing on the tedious, dreadful task, you took a moment to quietly reflect on life. You added happiness into the task which probably made it less irritating. Even if it is only you that made these dishes dirty, you are still alive to enjoy life making these dishes dirty again and again. Learn to add happiness to the things you do.

3) Will doing this task create a lasting memory for me or for someone else?

Do you stress over how clean your house is or how nice your lawn looks? That will be the day when a house cleans itself or the lawn mows itself. If you are obsessed and always stressing over how meticulous everything in your home is, how pristine your lawn looks, you are instilling that memory in those around you. You will be remembered for having the cleanest house, for having the perfect lawn and to those who really know you, for being stressed about it all. If that is how you want to be remembered long after you are gone, then go for it. If not, then clean when you can. Spend time doing the things that make the memories, the things that matter to you, what you want to be remembered for. This way you can enjoy the cleaning process because you are now doing it by choice, not because you have to. Ask any child what matters more to them, having a clean house or having time spent with you? You can learn a valuable lesson from that child. They simplify stress by speaking the truth as they know it. They are wise beyond their years as they have not yet been corrupted into creating stress over creating memories. Learn to make memories while you are living.

4) Will it matter 20 years from now?

The answer, probably not. Most things we allow to stress us in our life, doesn't really last. Time moves on, so will whatever is happening now. We replace one stress with another because we move past each one. Asking yourself, Will it matter to me in 20 years, eliminates the minimal stresses, allowing you to place your focus on what will matter now and 20 years from now. You will have less stress because you will no longer be spread so thin dealing with several mini stresses, as you let them go, you can deal with the bigger ones. The perfectly clean house, the pristinely mowed lawn, the clean spotless dishes, will they matter 20 years from now? Trut me, you will have 20 years of house cleaning and it will still need to be cleaned. Maybe not today but it will tomorrow. 20 years of lawn mowing and that grass will still be growing. 20 years of washing dishes and they will be dirty many more times. Learn what will matter in 20 years from now and focus more time on that.

You will feel more satisfied with what you accomplish in a day and you will know it matters to you. It may take some time to reprogram yourself when dealing with stress and prioritizing your 'To-Do List'. Start by asking these questions and also understand, most people create their own stress. Let's go back to the clean house again. If you are stressing over someone coming to your house and it is not as spotless as you want it to be, worrying over what they may thing, you just created your own stress. You do not know what they will think. Are they coming to visit you or just to look at your house to see how clean it is? If it is the latter, then when they come over, give them the keys so they can come clean your house. There is nothing wrong with having a clean home, unless you are stressing over it and have no time to live because you are always cleaning. Remember a lived in looking house means you are living.

Understanding why you are stressed or overwhelmed with your 'To-Do List' helps to alleviate the stress by prioritizing what matters.

"Mix it up, find happiness in what you do, do what matters, create memories" - NJ

Imaginationism

"Everything is an option in your imagination"
– Bre Storm

"Imagination leads to creation" – NJ

We are all blessed in the beginning of our lives with an imagination. As a small child you live in a world of wonder, an amazement, a curiosity, an unknown. We, as a child, have yet to discover a life of experience. We, as a child, have only begun to learn. We, as a child, have a blank slate, a clean canvas, yet as a child, we all begin with an imagination.

With this imagination, we create. We use our imagination to go places without going anywhere, physically. We discover wonders we have never seen beyond our mind's eye. We create ideas, worlds and moments. Some we share with others, some we keep within ourselves. We create places, only we can go to.

For some people, they keep the imagination from their youth and carry into their adult lives. For others, they leave their imagination behind with their childhood. Some people think that imagination belongs only within a child's mind. It is sad to think that we don't all choose to keep and use the special gift we were all blessed with. The gift of imagination. Some people think imagination is not a reality and once you grow up, you must be mature and live a grown up life. Play by the rules of an adult life where imagination does not exist. Stop for a moment and think, do you know an adult who still uses their imagination in their adult life? I, personally, can think of many such people. Technology would not have become as advanced had no adult imagined a possibility or asked, "What if?" Movies would never have been filmed, books never written, songs never sang, paintings never painted, ideas never transformed if imaginations ceased at the transitional moment from childhood to adulthood.

People every day wish and dream but stop there with just a wish and/or a dream. They sometimes doubt the possibilities of dreams and wishes coming true. Is a dream or a wish different than that of an imagination? Possibly, it is. A dream may be something you desire, a wish is something you make in hopes it will come true. Imagination creates a dream into reality, it makes the dreams achievable. Imagination creates a wish coming true, it makes a wish attainable.

You already have an imagination, are you using it? You don't have to believe an imagination is only there for a child to enjoy and use. Where does imagination fit into your hectic, day-today, responsible adult life? It fits in where you allow it to fit. Use your imagination to create the reality that you live in.

"Never outgrow your imagination, it will never outgrow you." - NJ

Pleaserism

"If you spend more time, giving your time to others, than the time you take for yourself, you are wasting your time." –NJ

Are you a people pleaser?

A people pleaser is someone who is always trying to make someone else happier while sacrificing themselves.

Let me explain.

First there is a difference in how you are giving your time. What is the difference?

How giving that time makes you feel. If you give time out of obligation to someone with no reward, you feel disappointment. If you give time because you want to, you feel pleasure regardless of how anyone else feels. When you give your time to accommodate others wants or needs and receive nothing in return, you have deceived yourself. When I say receive, I do not specifically mean a 'gift', let's call it a 'reward'. For some there need to receive recognition, praise. These would be their rewards. When you set out to give time to others in hopes of receiving this kind of reward, you have expectations which could lead to disappointments. You have no way of knowing how what you are doing (even if it is done in good faith) is received by someone else, or if they will react a certain way that you may have envisioned. When you give yourself, your time and receive the reward of self-satisfaction, you win. You have given yourself a reward.

There is nothing wrong with helping others, pleasing others, as long as you are rewarded by what you have done. If you are content with why, what and how you are helping, you cannot go wrong.

Always ask yourself, why, what & how.

• Why am I doing this?
  

Out of obligation?

Out of guilt?

Out of the desire to help?

Out of the kindness of my own heart?

• What do I expect out of this?
  

Expect praise?

Expect recognition?

Expect a sense of pleasure?

Expect to feel joy?

• How will I feel when all is said and done?
  

Feel drained, unhappy?

Feel frustrated & irritated?

Feel joy, happiness?

Feel accomplished, pleasure?

If your answers are negative, like the first two responses to each question, you can expect a negative reward. When your answers are positive, you can expect a positive reward.

It is not selfish to say, "No" when someone ask you for help. When you have answered all 3 questions with a negative response and still help, you will create a bigger problem known as resentment. The resentment could be directed toward the person who asked for your help or the resentment could be directed back at yourself for allowing you to do what you did not want to do and you received no reward for your efforts. You might also find yourself being asked for help more frequently which could make you feel as if you are being used. If there is no reward, you probably are being used.

Asking yourself, why, what and how when asked for help can be what changes you from a people-pleaser to a pleased helping people person. Helping people is rewarding, when it is done from the heart. When you try to please everyone else, you are sacrificing your own self and will not have a positive reward.

"Making sacrifices is not wrong, as long as it is for the right reasons, regardless of the outcome." - NJ

"Trying to please everyone, sacrifices one's own pleasures" - NJ

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